Born Retired Tee
Born retired — three kids and two mortgages since day one.
Fit Type*Unisex
Style*T-Shirt
Color*Black
Size*2XL
✅ In stock, ready to ship
🚚Arrives by Nov 6 – Nov 11 if you order today. Hooray!
- 🚚 Free US shipping on orders over $50
- 🇺🇸 Printed in the USA — made to order just for you
- 👕 Premium cotton — pre-shrunk, buttery soft
- ↩️ 30-day returns — no questions, no drama
About this tee
He was born retired. This vintage distressed tee features an original hand-drawn cartoon baby with a big handlebar mustache and goatee, rocking a red bow tie and the words BORN RETIRED in cream and orange, with the tagline THREE KIDS AND TWO MORTGAGES and EST. DAY ONE. Inspired by the viral Baby With Mustache meme that took over US social media in October 2026, it is peak dad humor and millennial retirement humor in one shirt. Perfect gift for new dads, tired dads, and anyone who feels 65 years old since birth. Printed on a soft unisex tee in 5 colors and 7 sizes. Artwork is 100% original cartoon illustration — no real baby photo is used anywhere.
📦 Shipping & delivery
Orders print in 1–2 business days, then ship from our US print partners. Standard delivery takes 3–5 business days. Shipping: $4.99 for 1 item, $2.99 for the first item + $1.99 each additional for 2–4 items, FREE on orders over $50.
↩️ Returns & exchanges
Changed your mind? You have 30 days from delivery for a full refund or exchange — as long as the item is unworn and unwashed. Exchanges for a different size are always free.
👕 Fabric & care
100% premium ring-spun cotton (heather colors are a cotton/poly blend), pre-shrunk and side-seamed. Machine wash cold, inside out. Tumble dry low. The joke is permanent; the softness just keeps improving.
Worn by the community
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🛒 Frequently bought together
Total for 4 items: $96.96
❓ Questions & answers
How does the sizing run?
True to size with a classic unisex fit. If you like a roomier feel, size up. Between sizes? Go with the larger one — our customers say the compliments come in all sizes.
What fabric is it made of?
100% premium ring-spun cotton (heather colors are a soft cotton/poly blend). Pre-shrunk, side-seamed, and buttery soft from the first wear.
How long until my order ships?
We print to order in 1–2 business days, then ship from our US print partners. Standard delivery takes 3–5 business days after that. Free US shipping on orders over $50 ($4.99 for 1 item; $2.99 + $1.99 per extra for 2-4 items).
What if it doesn’t fit or I don’t love it?
30-day no-questions returns. Unworn and unwashed gets you a full refund, and size exchanges are always free.
Will the print crack or fade?
Nope. We use high-quality direct-to-garment printing that sinks into the fabric. Machine wash cold inside-out and it stays crisp wash after wash.
Is this design original to Quirktee?
Yes — every Quirktee design is drawn in-house and trademark-checked before printing. You won’t find it on a bargain rack.
